So, I went to Byron Bay. For a music festival, with my 12 year old. And I came back with a bung eye.
I don’t know what happened. But now my eye is bloodshot and freaky looking. After a week, I figured I should go see a doctor. This thought occurred on a Sunday. So, I went to a Sunday doctor. He went through the checklist that his computer prompted him to go through.
Does it hurt?
Can you see?
Did you poke it with anything?
He ticked the boxes, then said, “I’m going to write it up as conjunctivitis”.
Are you writing it up as conjunctivitis or is it conjunctivitis?
Are you trying to pass an exam, or diagnose a real life person with a bung eye?
Possibly questions I should have asked out loud.
So, I got my drops and headed home. After a week of increasing bloodshoteyedness, I went to my weekday doctor.
She had a look, asked some questions, then said “I’ll be back. Need to get some flurojetnetfosizenearator*.”
* I made this up. She went to get something doctorish.
She came back with another doctor who had special binocular glasses. He had a really good look at my bung eye. Then diagnosed me with inflammation of the *insert doctor word for white part of my eye* – cause unknown. Suggested I go see a specialist, cos it’s a bit unusual. Insert more doctor talk which I’m sure is just a secret language they use to say “Geez, that eye is freaky, no idea what’s going on there”.
Then he asked if I’d mind if the student doctors came in to have a look.
Sure. Why not?
Well, cos it’s awkward having people you don’t know, who are much younger than you, come and look you in the eye for extended periods and then say things like:
Interesting
Haven’t seen anything like this, and we’ve been here for 6 weeks.
It’s very red. Did you get something in it?
Urgh.
Anyway, Mum rang to check on my bung eye. After concern about my eye and ongoing vision were dealt with, I told her how the freakshow went down. Her comment:
“This stuff only ever happens to you.”
Haha yeah. True.
But really, does it?
Or do I just tell the story that way? I don’t know. Is my life really more ridiculous than everyone else’s?
When my now 9yo was younger, I used to post things he said on facebook. Friends and family would comment on how clever and creative and interesting and funny he was. I used to bask in this. Yes, my child the hilarious genius.
But really? Is he?
Or was it just that I wrote that stuff down?
I don’t know the answer to this. My kid is funny. He really is. On the last day of grade 2, they gave the kids a letter from their teacher for the next year, with a photo of that teacher. Then, they go into their classroom for the next year.
My son grabbed the letter, approached his new teacher, and said “Who’s this handsome fella?”, pointing at the picture of his new teacher. Funny stuff I tell ya. And it made for a good start to the new year.
But other kids do funny stuff. But maybe their parents are photographers and capture the moment differently.
I tell stories. It’s what I do.
So really, these things don’t only happen to me. Do they?
